As we meander through the years of our lives, so many things change. Our physical appearance, our jobs, our homes, our hobbies, our religion, our friends and our hopes, dreams and goals. Then there's the things that are consistent throughout the years.
One thing that has stayed consistent with me since I was a pre-teen is that I knew that someday I would adopt. At least, my desire was to adopt. I had an elementary understanding of it. I get somebody else's baby and love them as my own. Naturally, I now know that it's not that easy. There's a lot of bureaucracy that goes with this concept.
We've already been down this wonderful path of adoption. Like childbirth, you quickly forget about the pain, the uncertainty, and the hard labor. You start searching your heart and assessing your feelings to determine if you're ready to start looking for the rest of your forever children to complete your family. The home study is still current, after all.
Before you have a chance to decide whether you're ready, God decides for you. You find an email from your adoption worker sitting in your inbox asking if you'd consider taking a specific sibling group. It's amazing how just a few short sentences can cause such a mix of emotions. Your heart leaps for joy because they're babies. Just what I've always wanted! You're curious because the genders are not listed. Then your heart sinks because both have special needs, one with a few health issues. The other with Down syndrome.
What was our worker thinking? She knows what our adoption criteria is. Why would she build us up with this then hit us with a zinger like THAT? Health issues that are being managed is one thing. Down syndrome? Oh, I don't think so. Still, the excitement of finding out more about these babies nullifies my fears of raising a child with such extreme special needs. Yeah, God knows what He's doing. He knows a mother's heart, doesn't he?
The wait was grueling. We received the initial email just days before Christmas. The DHS foster care department and all adoption agencies were to close down from December 24th until January 3rd. We'd have to wait until at least then to learn more and set up an informational meeting. This gave me all of Christmas break to research the health issues and to learn more about Down syndrome. So far, we hadn't found anything that was so earth shattering that we didn't think either would scare us off.
Finally, we contacted our worker on the 5th when we hadn't heard from her yet. She had slightly more information to share with us. Both babies are girls. Ok, well that won't work anyway. I was sad. Again, she knew that our criteria was for 1-2 more boys. It's what we have bedroom space for. We didn't want to make our teenage son give up his own room. The new family members would have to share the room with our 6 year old son. Therefore, they'd have to be boys.
It's amazing how the rationalizing begins to make a situation work when one wants something bad enough. A family meeting proves positive when our teenage son is agreeable to giving up his room for the sake of these girls. Everything is falling into place. When it's God's will, they usually do.
During the informational meeting, my mind was already made up that these girls should become a part of our family. I went in with a worse case attitude. If either were in a vegetated state or in a wheelchair, we would not be a good fit. Anything else could work. It WILL work! Big sister is highly functioning with her Ds. She is capable of living a full life. Little sister's health issues are manageable. She too will live a full life. We are at peace with our decision to begin the adoption process.
We meet the girls and it is a very good time. We have no reservations about this path we are on the verge of walking. God is orchestrating this dance. We will stumble and we will fall. If we keep our eyes on our Instructor, we will learn to be graceful.
Already, He has been changing my heart. Never would I have considered children with these special needs if I had acted on my own accord. The fears have melted away and have been replaced with a heart full of joy. I feel so blessed and honored that He has chosen US to be stewards to these little girls. I am humbled by the fact that He trusts us with so much. I fall on my face and praise Him. For when I searched my heart, I found Him. I found Him in their smiles. I heard Him in their laughter. I felt His love every time they wrapped their chubby arms around me for a hug. I felt His warmth when they laid their heads into my chest. To deny these children that He will bless us with would be as if we denied God himself. He wants to bless us with this wonderful challenge. Here am I with arms wide open. I humbly surrender to you, Lord Christ.
